This is my first post and I am very excited to start this life blog. I moved out of Japan 4 months ago and now I am living and working in Germany. From young age, I knew I will move out of Japan. I had no doubt about it. I love Japan in every way but it is not where I want to raise up kids and spend rest of my life because it is just a stressful country. I want to work but I also want to have time to travel and do things what I like. So I am really happy that I could moved to Germany without losing my job.
I love eating, traveling and move by body. Traveling with my husband is definitely one of the most exciting moment in my life but I never could imagine myself to be a pure traveler. I think I wouldn’t be able to truly enjoying it because I know I would worry about getting sick, getting old without security and I would like to give good education to kids if one day I have one. So instead, I chose to take balance.
I am now enjoying my life with doing what I feel like to do. Going for trip for 3 weeks, going for short trips in weekend, finish work at 16:00 and cook Japanese or Chinese food at home, Yoga, Climbing, Japanese dance and go to nice restaurants sometimes. I am enjoying this working and life balance in my life and I want to do more. I want to do more simply because I am interested in many more things. I try to follow my heart and not to limit possibility by myself. Maybe I can’t achieve everything but who cares? At least I will try everything to make it happen.
C’s check list:
1. Moving out of Japan : Check
2. Find love of my life : Check
3. Staying healthy : Ongoing
4. Doing sports: Check
5. Speak German fluently: Open
6. Having kids: Open
7. Being truly free from how other people think about me: Ongoing
8. Go to Australia, Africa, Whole Europe, South America, Canada etc : Open
9: Bring my work situation to be able to work whenever I want to : Open
10: Spread Japanese products to Europe : Open
11. Make life blog : Ongoing
12. Learn how to take better pictures : Ongoing
13. Learn how to create nice and sexy videos: Open
14. Publish book : Open
15. Able to control anger : Open
16. Get diving license: Ongoing
17. Having dog: Open
18. Keep good marriage: Ongoing
19. Find the ideal place to spend elder time: Ongoing
20. Cherish life every day : Ongoing
Now I am enjoying my life but it wasn’t like this for long long time. There were few moments I thought about ending my life because it was so stressful. Raised up by strict Chinese parents in a not so open society, Japan, My Youth was not easy. My parents spend their youth under the “Mao” and their education was under strict communism. I don’t know if that gave them the believe that if you don’t suffer, you don’t have bright future. In their head, it was so clear that suffering for future is the right thing to do and having fun going out for movie or reading manga is bad for the future. Also Mao succeed to gave them an idea that spending Money is bad. Unfortunately for my parents, I was not a good daughter who fulfills their expectation. My parents’s dream was for me to go to Tokyo University and so I can become super rich in the future. They saved every penny for my education so I could go to top private school where its tuition costs 10,000 USD per year. I studied there for 6 years from junior high to high school and I was studying at night school which cost another 10,000 USD per year. So I was the biggest investment for them and I must fulfill their target. During that time, I believe it was from stress, I had severe atopic dermatitis. It was on my face, body, everywhere. Liquid was coming out of my face and I couldn’t move my neck and as a girl It was horrible to take a Japanese full train in the morning for one hour to the University.”How other people is thinking about me” was all the time in my head.
The result of their investment didn’t went well, I failed to get in Tokyo University and instead I got in Keio University, which is famous but not as good as Tokyo University. Including myself, we were disappointed to the result. Bur really, I couldn’t do more.
This supposed to be the end of stressful studying 15 hours a day life. But it wasn’t. It was a beginning of confusion and face the darkness in my heart. Since I chose this University because that is what I’ve only got, I really lost my way. My major was economics but I realized one day that this is not what I wan to do. The other problem was I had big big trust issue. I had no friends because my class mates from school were competitors for me and how to be no.1 and how to be better than others were the only things I cared about. I was comparing myself to every body around me. My skin condition was as bad as before.
Things didn’t change until I decided to study abroad for one year. I was so down but there was constant feeling that this is not my life. Hope was always in my heart.
I decided to go study abroad because I needed time to think what I want to do in the future. What I want to do is something I never thought about. In Japan, students start job hunting from 3rd grade. I was in a finance class so most of the graduates successfully went into Mega Bank and Mega Consultation companies. They were the winners. They work their ass off , service tough competition for promotion and become rich. I think this was my parents’s expectation for me as well but I just couldn’t see myself there anymore. I was too tired of the competition and didn’t know what to do. I knew I needed time.
Studying abroad was first time I was really away from home and deciding everything by my won. I was free the first time and. It was a paradise. My skin disease was 70% gone. I first time made real friends. I really wanted to stay US forever. But time flies and I had to come back to Japan. My mental was still not healthy at that time because I knew there was nobody watching at me in bad way but I couldn’t get out of this thoughts from my head. I also realized I was stressing myself because unconsciously I was thinking I have to be different and I have to be better than my friends. At that time most of my action was coming from this thoughts when I think about now.
One thing I was clear after studying abroad was that I want to be independent from my parents. And I want to live abroad where work life balance is normal. If I work in in Tokyo in the bank, I will work till 10 p.m. everyday and super stressful and need to stay with my parents because they will never allow me to live alone money wise. So, I was looking for companies who is big enough to be in stock market and have channels to abroad but far from Tokyo. This is how I met my current company. This company was located in Iwaki city and was 40 km away from the power plant of Fukushima. It was exactly the year which I start to work that terrible earthquake happened. Company let us stayed in Tokyo till October and then I moved to Iwaki city, 200 km away from Tokyo, then started my career.
My skin condition was not so good after coming back from US. It got better after I moved from Tokyo to Iwaki but it was far away from perfect. I wasn’t going for doctor because my family was so much scared of using steroid which is the typical medication for my skin disease. It was fear that if I start to use steroid I can never stop and I have to use stronger and stronger steroid. I was also still not be able to trust others and react as nice as possible to people with smile so nobody thinks I am bad. When I was talking to somebody, 98% of my intention was thinking how others are thinking me.
The biggest change came suddenly… I met my husband. He was so attractive to me and I couldn’t believe we met and fell in love at the same time. The time with him was so precious and I was so in love that I really wanted to cure my skin. Love finally overcame my fear to use steroid. I thought, using steroid I may suffer but now I am suffering without using steroid so why not I try. I searched and found good doctor and I started steroid. Ever since my skin was never getting bad again. Now I am as healthy as normal person. He had also good influence on my mental. He is a happy person who is completely relaxed when he is talking to others. He is talking because he wants to talk, he smiles because he wants to smile. Not like me I was talking because I thought I had to and I smiled because I feared otherwise people don’t like me.
The desire to change my way of thinking was so big that I met one book. It is called “Courage to be Hated” and this booked really changed my life. It was in a so right moment, I felt if I really want something with believe it will happen, it will really happen.
This book became my bible ( I will talk about this book in a different post). It took sometime to see the change, but in the end I could really felt my life became more simple and my mind is free. For example, meeting other people for me was never a fun because I had to think how I behave and I was busy thinking how other people think about me. But now, I love to meet new people because I could enjoy the time without thinking my each move. Of course there is a good time and bad time but this change gave me so much motivation and so much confidence which I’ve never had.
I am someone who is not good at keeping doing one thing for long time. So it is a challenge for me to keep my blog going and I am looking forward for the change in 5 years, 10 years, and 30 years.
Thank you for reading.